mysterious

"Where is Thomas going? He's so mysterious." - DW (Thomas' hetro life partner or "roommate")

the family

A few pictures of the family while I was home for easter.

Mom and Dad at their frame shop. Bayberry Custom Framing.

Mom at the frame shop. Its fun my parents own a "mom and pop" shop. :0) They seem to enjoy it and its nice to have custom framers in the family for all my framing needs.
Brother Daniel (aka "Bennett" to his friends) Not sure what I think about the "bangs" but I think I like the longer hair - needs a little less gel. His girls sure like it.

Brother Daniel again, this time a little smile.

Rachel and Travis - its great to see her smile again.

Rachel and Travis again. He seems like a really nice guy. The four of us had fun playing board games and putting together a butt huge puzzle. Two things I don't normally enjoy but this time was fun. Travis is the new owner for the mall chic-fil-a so its kindof fun (and also weird) to have a chic-fil-a connection again.
Here are the 3 of us outside the barn next to Rachels place on the horse farm. Notice the hay on the side. :0) Rachel and I are actually the same height but I am standing downhill or something. Daniel is really tall.

...

" Change is a risk
I can't seem to take,
How often do I fail
and call it a mistake,
I can't please my conscience,
I might find out it's a fake,
so I am waiting..."

stereovolt "brooklyn bridge"

cupcakes

Well, I am still in a fairly introspective mellow, bordering on sad mood. But its not all horrible. Today is my co-worker Elida's birthday and her kid (Adriana) who is two, made her yellow cupcakes with chocolate icing AND sprinkles (lots of sprinkles). Elida didn't want to eat ALL 24 of them so she brought some to work for ME. B/c she knew I loved cupcakes. I really do, they taste much better than cake in my opinion. Maybe b/c you can eat them with your hands, maybe b/c they signify a celebration, maybe b/c more often than not they have sprinkles. I don't know what makes them so awesome but they really are. My favorite is yellow cake with pudding in the mix, chocolate icing, and sugar sprinkles (the little colored ball ones). I also like cream cheese icing on homemade chocolate cake ones too. So, really, how can you be in a sad mood while eating cupcakes?

Girl in the Rain

On my way to work there was a little girl in pink (about 6 years old) sitting on the curb in the rain waiting for the school bus with no raincoat or umbrella before 7am. Was a good picture of how I feel today, cold, damp, tired, alone, and waiting.

Joshua Radin

amy's song

you asked me to write a song all about
things that go wrong and then
you asked me to come home soon
to the place where i belong

but you stand on the other side of the line
in this place and
you can't see me you are blind
and this you can't fake
no this you can't fake

and sometimes, sometimes i wanna be
i scream that i wanna be anyone but me

and i don't know if i can write about
chosen wars or the things you feel
and i don't know if i can sing aloud
closing doors show me what's real

but i know when i close my eyes
late at night there's only one thing
a night showing that she can't lie
it's your fight show me something
can you show me something

and sometimes, sometimes i wanna be
i scream that i wanna be anyone but me

what do you want me to say
all i know is love,
it's okay
i'll write what i know
you do the same
tell me i'm sane

and sometimes, sometimes i wanna be
i scream that i wanna be anyone but me

Last night I went downtown to see Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk perform. It was a really good show and the artists seemed very real and approachable which was nice. I was tired so I didn’t stay around afterwards to meet them. The music was very mellow, mainly acoustic, and on the sadder side of emotions. During one song that seemed darker/sadder than the rest (I posted above) really spoke to me. Josh is singing and the words just seem so sad and searching, then he finishes and everyone bursts into applause, as if to say, “josh, that’s how I feel, that’s my life, you expressed me.” I looked around and my heart felt sad for everyone including Josh. I wanted to give them hope, tell them its going to be ok. Well, maybe it will be ok. But then I was thinking about art and how good it was that Josh was expressing real things, real feelings, just realness. There was an article recently on relevant about something similar to this called “Relevance, Faith, and Art” (http://www.relevantmagazine.com/pc_article.php?id=7378). It talks about how as Christian artists we have become irrelevant to the world. You’ll have to read it to get the whole picture but basically its saying that as Christians we do one of three things, 1. all of our art has to say Jesus or depict the resurrection to be “christian”, 2. tired of seeing the Church so out of touch with society we try to bring society into the Church with playing secular music in church, copying secular art in the form of logos and t-shirts, or 3. we disassociate with being Christians at all in our art. The article goes on to say that, “What we need is art made with excellence—art that reflects the joy, suffering, pain, brokenness, hope in the world around us, even art grounded in a Christian worldview—and a Church that supports it. This art may come from Christians, but we should recognize that it may also come from people who do not know Christ. In its essence, art is the expression of human emotion; true art reminds us that this temporal existence is not the end, that there is something greater, something this world cannot satisfy. It cannot help but call us to God if we only follow its calling. In this way, art is a connection, a connection deeper than mere brushstrokes on a canvas or images on film.” So even though Josh might not be a Christ-follower, his art is real. His art has meaning. His art is relevant. His art was heart-felt.

Here are a couple other sections of lyrics that I liked,

“i should know who i am by now
i walk the record stands somehow
thinking of winter
your name is the splinter inside me while i wait”

“old doubt and a girl by your side she's feeding your pride
as you go for a ride
down the star mile
world's rise as she lets you come in
a duo begins to the hollywood din
of the lonely and all the gold dust in her eyes
won't reform into a ring
you had and lost the one thing
you kept in a safe place
remember the face
the girl who had made you her own
and how you left her alone”

“Digging a hole and the walls are caving in Behind me air's getting thin but I'm trying I'm breathing in Come find me It hasn't felt like this before It hasn't felt like home before you And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel This way And I miss you more than I should Than I thought I could Can't get my mind off of you I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it That's part of it all Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall It hasn't felt like this before It hasn't felt like home before you And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel This way And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could Can't get my mind off of you And I hate the phone But I wish you'd call Thought being alone Was better than was better than And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way And I miss you more than I should Than I thought I could Can't get my mind off of you Can't get my mind off of you And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel This way And I miss you more than I should Than I thought I could Can't get my mind off of you”

The concert made me pretty mellow and introspective. I went alone which was hard (with the circumstances as they were), but I am glad I went anyway. It was worth the uncomfortablity and hurt.

Mark

"I am going to read the last half of the apocrypha and do my taxes before bed tonight." - Mark Hagen at council meeting Monday night.

Ya kindof had to be there but it was really funny. A council member was semi-arguring about whether the apocrypha was 7 books or 14 and none of us really cared so Mark Hagen made the above statement. At first I thought he was serious and I was a little concerned as today was tax day - but then I saw his smirk and totally cracked up on the inside. Council meeting the last 6 weeks have been interesting. Hard definitely. I've wanted to die during many of the meetings but I made it though. Next monday night... I'll be at a bar. Want to join me? :0)~

On a different note. This is my 100th post. yeah.

hotdog buns

"You know why I like hotdogs? because you can sop up the mustard on your face with the bun." -rudy at the church picnic. :0)~

...

"Haven't forgotten about you, either."

ahh.. I feel loved, well, atleast not forgotten ... which in turn makes me feel loved. :0)

Anyway

"You can love someone with all your heart,
for all the right reasons,
and in a moment they can choose to walk away,
Love 'em anyway"

Easter with a little Snow

here are a few pictures of the snow while I was in Virginia. The squirrel is the family "pet" Gus-Gus. She comes to the door a few times a day for food and is quite tame. The flower is a dogwood tree blossom - the state flower and tree in Virginia. The dogwoods were in full bloom and really pretty. I don't think the snow affected them much. The snow melted pretty quickly but it was fun to see it. I'll post more pics from the trip later. :0)~

little aero-planes

I was driving home yesterday; thinking about whatever and then almost ran into the car in front of me. I applied the brakes and avoided hitting the other car. Which then got me thinking of the foot pedals in small airplanes and how while you are taxiing on the ground all the steering and braking is done with your feet. Steering is with left and right pedals (rudder pedals) and then the brakes are at your toes at the top of the pedals. You have to apply pressure to both brakes equally to stop straight otherwise you’ll flip the plane around sideways, which if you are meaning to turn then that’s good otherwise its not so good. But pretty much while taxiing I sat on my hands so I wouldn’t be tempted to try to steer with the stick (thing like a steering wheel), but then your speed is controlled with the throttle which is a knob on the dash so you can’t sit on your hands long. Ofcourse in the air the stick is very important along with the rudder pedals as those two things pretty much control whether you stay in the air or not. When learning to fly I was kindof disappointed that I never got to do a barrel roll – my instructor wouldn’t let me. Sure I would have probably stalled out and run us nose first into the ground. That wouldn’t have been so cool. I did get to do wingovers which were kindof fun. Pretty much its just a quick way to turn the plane around 180degrees if you are headed straight into a mountain or building or something. I always lost some altitude though so we had to make sure we weren’t too close to the ground. I got to fly an F-15 simulator once and would get off the runway a few hundred feet and then nosedive into the ground. Glad it wasn't a real plane. :0) Well, enough about flying and little airplanes. Guess I’ve been thinking of it since I just got back from flying to Virginia in a big ol’ plane and while I was home my dad asked if I’ve ever thought about getting back into flying. If the opportunity presented itself I might try flying again but it’s not something I just have to do or something. I’d have to re-learn pretty much everything and I am not as daring as I was 14 years ago. I am glad I did it as a youngster though.

Hook 'Em