New words

new words to describe me instead of pessimistic and cynical.

cautious.
realistic.
guarded.
level-headed.
honest.

More pottery

Got a few more pieces out of the kiln last week. I like the red in this. Alot of times the red doesn't come out b/c of oxygen levels in the kiln. If the level is off just a little you will end up with pale green instead of red.

This bowl turned out groovy. Its quite big so glazing it was hard but I love all the colors. The red went pale green in a few places but it worked anyway. I try to glaze my pieces so if the red goes green it will still work.
A tray with rounded corners. The brown turned out lighter than I was thinking but its cool.
A vase. Doesn't hold water but thats not surprising. Most of my vases don't hold water. Its pretty anyway. The top half was suppose to be rutile blue but it went more white.

I think I am ok

I am doing decent I guess. Really, I have food, AC, a roof over my head. I am fine. Just a little introspective I guess. Work is ok but I don't feel overly driven. Kind of like I am doing my work but getting easily sidetracked. Had a good performance evaluation though so someone must like what I do. And some days I figure I must be smarter than I think.

I am thinking about my friendships again. I realize I have alot of close friends who think, act, respond so differently than me. I really like having a rough plan for my week, set up stuff in advance, hold myself accountable for doing/being where I say I will be, it bothers me when people cancel plans, forget appointments, or whatever. I often feel unvalued. I sometimes keep my lunch times open just in case someone is able to lunch with me. I am rarely what I would call "busy." I just don't let myself be, or even if I am "busy" I would rarely verbalize it. I think about my friends and am concerned for them. I try to remember their birthdays and who likes chocolate chip cookies.

A good number of my good friends are nothing like me. They are ok with not making plans and often don't commit when you ask them. Or if they do commit its not a solid commit. (I secretly want to become non-committal but I haven't been able to pull it off yet.) They are not bothered when people don't return phone calls or emails. They don't remember things and repeat the same questions often. They are psycho busy with life and when you ask them how they are, they always say "busy" - which I usually view as a "I am sorry, I don't have time for you." (which how these non-committal people end up so busy I will never know) These people don't seem to understand why I am like me (I don't get them either so it's ok) But these people seem happy and they are my good friends. How did this happen? I would SOO love some friends who were more similar to me in these areas but I guess we might drive each other crazy, and then not be friends. I would say Heidi is probably the most like me and we are friends, so its possible. But my really close friends are absolute nuts and I love them dearly! :0) (i love heidi too, even though she's like me. And she gives me hope that the crazy people won't take over the world.)

I feel sad but I think some of my good friends are going to walk away from me and I am going to have to let them. I am trying to be ok with this. They are more valuable to me than I am to them. Its going to be ok though. I am ok.

(note - these are just my thoughts at the moment. So Mom, don't worry about me.)

am I?

Am I pessimistic and cynical? I have a friend who points out his version of my flaws on a decently regular schedule. I am amused in general by his use of adjectives to describe me but I often don't fully agree with his analysis. I guess given the choice of being optimistic or pessimistic I am the later. I am more of a feet planted on the ground realist which I guess makes me sceptical of people and situations sometimes which I guess could be a pessimistic tendency. And cynical? Um, I guess. ok. It just sounds so negative. I guess I'd rather be called loyal or kind or any number of more positive adjectives. But I guess its good having a friend who doesn't seem to see the positive in me but still hangs around and calls me a friend.

no pants.

Marty: uh, I accidently just sold my pants.

So, there are tons of good quotes the last few days but Marty's is the only one I can remember at the moment. A bunch of us were hanging at at the Gilmores friday night and Marty was playing a video game - no clue what it was - but was some kind of adventure game. We look up at the TV and his character was running around pantless. Soon after that he was able to buy more pants for his character and all was back to being ok. :0) And speaking of pants. I still find it amusing that Shaun has white linen pants. But if he likes them then thats fine. We all have favorite clothes that are a little different. I have a shirt I call my picaso shirt that even though I don't ever wear it anymore I still hold on to b/c I am amused by it. Its a short sleeve button down mens cotton shirt with crazy paint like designs on it that is about a hundred times too big for me. I bought it at Goodwill for a dollar I think. Its amusing. It really is.

New Pottery

So, here's some new pottery that came out of the kiln in the last few weeks. funny how the picture makes this bowl look small. Its quite large at about 14 inches across and 8-9 inches deep. The colors (blue purple) turned out well. I made a piece for Heidi and Derek in all blue purple and liked the color so I did this piece in blue purple also.
Here are some ornaments and heart magnets. Was playing with glass.

Here's Eben admiring a bowl. I don't usually use teal but added a couple splashes of it.
A couple trays - 10 in. You can't really see the texture in them but I used a rock and piece of coral to add texture.
A couple pieces using a celadon glaze - I am not crazy about the glaze but its ok.
A large tray using glick blue, blue purple, and rutile blue. Turned out well.
And these are two piece that were low fired and then pulled out of the kiln and horse hair thrown on them. Crazy cool, eh. They are "weaker" than high fire and are just decorative pieces. You can't wash them or anything. But they look groovy. Oh, and all these pieces were photographed on my new tile kitchen floor. Yeah.

need...

so, there was a random bulletin that a friend posted on myspace about asking google what you need... you put "name needs" in google and take whatever the first thing that comes up is. I was goofing around with some friends names and here's what I came up with. (don't be offended if i didn't do your name - you are probably still my friend. :0) Some are pretty funny..

Michele needs help adjusting her body regularly. Michele needs to create names for her imaginary friends rather than simply spell Imaginary Friends backwards. (ha-ha)

Renee needs to gain weight. Renee needs a man.
Blanca needs a kiss. Blanca needs a well conected spanish architect.
Katie needs your help. Katie needs to use the litter pan on her own.
Nathan needs some huggies.
Shaun needs money. Shaun needs to change his shorts.
Heidi needs a day off.
Derek needs a woman.
David needs a bath.
Karina needs to come out and play.
Gary needs a job.
Hannah needs to go into the tunnel and face the prisoner.
Nelson needs to solve Austin City Limits studio problem.
Rudy needs to focus on his dream.
Kristina needs your help.
Jenni needs to learn to be more alluring.
Will needs a lectern with a microphone.
Martha needs to rebuild her self-confidence.
Liz needs real love.
Chris needs your sex talk.
Thomas needs proof.
Laura needs some post-toddler love.
Ursula needs to get her head on straight.
Kelly needs to be part of a loving, committed marriage.

housebroken boys

Me: I think I might be a snot and have really high expectations for the type of guy I’d be interested in.
Shaun: You are just now figuring this out?
Me: uh, no.
Shaun: Well, you want a guy that is atleast partially housebroken.
Me: Exactly!

Housebroken. Exactly. I am not looking for a guy who still thinks a college basketball poster on the wall counts as “decorating.” Or who doesn’t know what a hand towel is properly used for (no, not for changing the oil on his car). And although Rudy’s cups are fine for drinking a coke while watching TV, I would prefer he knows how to drink out of a real glass. I’d prefer he have atleast one piece of real furniture and not a particle board entertainment center – but I’ll let that slide for the right guy. I mean, I don’t have “real” furniture yet but am getting close. I do have a matching set of glasses and silverware. I know this is retarded but Derek got major bonus points and my blessing to marry Heidi once I saw he had bought himself a real bedroom set and didn’t still sleep in a twin bed. (yes, I understand when you are moving a lot a twin bed is practical and easier to move.) So, yep, I guess I am looking for a guy that is atleast partially housebroken. Am I being unreasonable? :0)