humm...

I think I am overthinking most everything lately. And I am not seeing things very logically - which that in itself drives me crazy. I've been contemplating my friendships lately. A lot have moved away the last couple years. And of those that have moved Renee is about the only one that I feel the friendship has remained as close as when she was here. I still care for deeply the rest but feel I need a 2way street on this friendship road and I am holding on too tightly and it might be time to loosen that grip. Same goes for my friends intown. I feel like many of my friendships have become unbalanced. Like I still regard them as my closest friends but they don't seem to value me in a similar way (to be fair, many of these people don't think a whole lot about friendships and friendships look different to them b/c they are boys). And why is "everyone" so busy. I have friends right here in austin who have been MIA for months. I'd send out a search party but I fear it would do no good. Maybe they don't want to be found.

And today I feel like a need really good friend to share with, but that's just not going to happen. I think I am internally lonely and walls are quickly being fortified around my tender heart.