Lions

"Too often our prayers revolve around asking God to reduce the odds in our lives. We want everything in our favor. But maybe God wants to stack the odds against us so that we can experience a miracle of divine proportions. Maybe faith is trusting God no matter how impossible the odds are. Maybe our impossible situations are opportunities to experience a new dimension of God's glory." from In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day

I have mentioned before that a root issue in my life is fear. I think thats pretty common so I am not shocked by my humanity or anything. But I have found I am pretty comfortable in it. And thats something to worry about. I really take very little risks in life, I don't stretch myself much (if at all), I am content just being me, I pray for security, I like having a life plan, I love having a stable job. I am seriously waiting for God to crush me someday. I fear dreaming bigger sometimes. Just today I had two people tell me I wasn't really living - they used slightly different words, but I knew what they were saying. Both people see my artistic side of my life as bigger and more important than I am seeing it. Yes, I want to be a photographer. But am I willing to take that leap and quit a perfectly decent job at UT. You all know the answer. Nope. And until recently I was pretty cool with that. I'll just work and do photography and art on the side. Then last fall I got whacked up side the head. I didn't have TIME to do my art and photography. I didn't do an art fair I wanted to do b/c I was too busy. I didn't take more opportunities to learn from a glass artist b/c I didn't have time. I squeezed in pottery but my hands and head were in two different places. I actually turned down photo jobs or didn't follow up b/c I had no time.

I am searching for more balance this year with it all. But you know. I am still me. And thats ok. As I've been reading "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day" - yes-freaking long title - I've been inspired by some of it but there is another part that I am like, dude - chill out and be rational. Some of the stories in the book are absolutely crazy! Now I know God can ask you to do crazy things. I love it that I have friends that are "idea people" but I also like it that God made me more grounded. I just have to find the balance. So who knows what this year will hold but I am going to let myself dream bigger and expect God to teach me some wild stuff.

A couple years ago someone asked me about what I wanted to do in life, and I had two different paths. I had the married path and the unmarried path. I realized recently I put a whole bunch of cool stuff on the "married path" - and my "unmarried path" was about as safe and lame as I could imagine. I am going to try to squish those paths together more. I did do two things that were on my married path last fall. (I gotta take small steps friends. :0)