A Sunday

I stayed out way late Saturday night hanging out. Realized I am really quiet around people I don’t really know. I was friendly and had a good time but even as it was happening I realized I was being pretty quiet. People used to say I am shy, not sure that’s the best label but I did think about it some Saturday. Part of me thinks I was just in a mellower and low key mood.

Sunday I went through a range of thoughts/emotions… I guess that’s what you’d call it. Started off the morning with a church wide meeting on the budget. Was glad to see about 25 people there – I did notice I was the only single girl there. Then realized I am now the only single woman at Liveoak between 27-40, and there are only a few post grad single women. So, back to the budget. Well, it was ok overall. I have some concerns/opinions about some of it and will address some of it with Jeff at some point. Well, maybe I’ll address it. Part of me doubts it’s really worth it but I hate it when people are apathetic at Liveoak so I guess I should step up and actually say something about my concerns. Oh, I was excited to hear Jeff has applied to go to grad school at UT in civil engineering. I think it’s a good fit for him. So after the budget meeting we had regular church. Thomas was suppose to lead which I was excited about since he hadn’t lead in a while but he had no voice so Cecilia did the singing. Was good. She did a cute little wiggly dance during one of the songs. Rudy preached and that is always a nifty thing. I enjoy his preaching and wish he was allowed to teach more. Also loved it that he taught in jeans and a T-shirt. His teaching is always so honest. After church was a mission team interest meeting which pretty much no one showed up at. Yep, we are a church that pretty much does nothing. A chunk of me is pretty frustrated by that but David had a good point. Statistics show you can expect about a 5% interest in any activity and with a church of like 40 people that’s about 2 people. I think we need a larger core of people at Liveoak. And we sure need some people to step up and actually do something – yes, I am talking to myself also. Just need to fine where I fit in a church dominated by non-dominant conservative males. Last night I went to VOX – an asian ministry that caters to college kids. David Crowder was leading worship and I really like his style so I went. Was groovy. There is something to be said for worship that vibrates your chest cavity with the bass and drums. Was good to really worship loudly – something I miss at Liveoak. The preaching was good too. He was teaching on the 1st chapter of Ecclesiastes and how Solomon in all his wisdom is preaching that everything is meaningless. He has seen everything and its all meaningless – nothing really changes. We think we are getting better as a society but we are still plagued by the same problems society has had for centuries. I hadn’t really thought a lot about that before – but yep – that’s pretty much true. Was a kind of depressing message but good. I am still processing some of the message. Really enjoyed the worship and service though. David Crowder seems really humble and normal for being such a big thing in the Christian community. And for some reason I really like it that he is not a pretty man. Then after the service I stopped by the Browns to work on the computer a little and talked with them a while. Ended up missing a call from a good friend so called them back. They seemed pretty down but I am hoping the week looks up for them – I didn’t go into the evening sermon with them or anything about how everything is meaningless though :0) Then I went to bed. Yea.

A couple Mini-shoots while I was Home

While I was home I did a couple mini-shoots. One with Daniel in Lynchburg at a old abandoned building and one with Kayli at a park near where Rachel works.

Daniel is now 20, goes to Liberty University and works as a sound engineer. He's majoring in business and is already talking of a masters program. Go boy! And ofcourse has many, many female friends. He sure has the pretty boy look down. :0)





Kayli (mike's kiddo) is now 2 and full of spunk. Was fun seeing her after not seeing her in a year. She seemed to warm up to me and we had a fun little shoot. She looks alot like Mike.

A few Christmas Pictures

So, its been a while since I got back from my trip to see the family in Virginia at Christmas but here are some pictures. It had been a whole year since I was home so that was a little strange. This year I'll try to make it make in the summer so its not so long between visits.



well, in the year I was gone, Daniel grew hair. I think he just didn't bother to cut it but it looks good. When he was younger he didn't like his hair to curl so he wore it really short. Actually now that I think about it - he used to have much straighter hair, the curls must have happened in puberty.

Rachel and Daniel at my parents house.

I like this picture of Rachel. She was at her house/cottage and I think was tired of me taking pictures.

Rachel and our neice Kayli at my parents house on Christmas day.

Here's the squirrel feeder at my parents house. They have a "pet" squirrel named gus-Gus that lives in the backyard. This one is not Gus-Gus.

My brother Mike. I realized I never post any pics of him so here is one.


Rachel and her tree at her place.

Rachel and one of the horses on her farm. Well, not really HER farm, she rents a cottage on the farm.

A quick portrait on Rachel on the farm. Was a really mild and pretty day.

I liked this picture too. She has a very cute country place and the rocking chair is the same rocking chair mom and dad used to rock her in.

Pain

"Some of the deepest wounds we endure in our lives come at the hands of those we love and who love us most. Contrary to the notion that there might be two categories of relationships—those that help and those that hurt—experience teaches us that intimacy inevitably invites injury." (http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life_article.php?id=7351)

maybe I'll write more of my thoughts on this later. It feels so true though....

thinking...

Humm…been thinking about how Renee likes to think about thinking. I find that quite interesting. Sometimes I feel a little afraid of thinking too much. Well, its not so much the thinking that is freaky, it’s the actually writing down my thoughts b/c for some reason they then seem too real. As long as they are just in my head, I can pretend they don’t really exist. But I have been challenged to actually write something real on this blog so here goes… (can’t guarantee this will flow very well or make much sense)

Well, I started the new year off with doubts and concern. It’s not really a secret (atleast among those close to me) that I struggle with wanting to stay in Liveoak. I’ve been there 12 years. I’ve seen great years and horrible years there. Learned a lot in general. Became who I am through it – both by accepting some stuff and pushing back on other things. I know the pastors are doing what they believe is best. They are good friends of mine. I have great friends in Liveoak. I have had many great friends leave Liveoak. As as each one leaves it makes me want to leave. I am still quite hurt by the situation with Marty. I feel I have forgiven those involved and I understand everyones sides – nothing is black and white. But I am hurt. And the thought that keeps coming back is, “if LO doesn’t have room for Marty, then what makes you think it has room for you.” I know logically that doesn’t make sense – but thats something else I have learned – feelings are not always logical. About a year ago I’d say that most everyone at LO was the same person, most everyone just seemed like clones. I felt like I could have my own opinions as long as I didn’t say them out loud. Occasionally I did say something out loud and sure got some funny looks. At the end of the year I was feeling more accepted – even though there do seem to be a lot of clones still – there are some individuals too.

Boys. Ok, this does tie in with the above paragraph. I am not really all about this boy pray about marrying a girl for years/months then asks her to court, then they get engaged 3 months later and a wedding 4 months after that. And you have to be 22. It seems like in LO this way is the only way. Oh, and no kissing. (even after 10 years of hearing about the no kissing til marriage thing – I still kindof laugh. And yes, I know not everyone has followed that - but a majority has.) I am not against the courting thing, I am just not opposed to dating either. And honestly, from a 30 year old girl perspective – if a guy likes me, I’d rather him go ahead and ask me out then sit in his room and pray about it for years first. Although I personally don’t really have to worry about this whole boy praying for years, courting, no kissing thing b/c no girl over 30 in LO in the past 15 years has ever gotten married! Not that marriage is everything and although I’d like to, I am also enjoying being single.

Well, those are some of my thoughts at the moment. Oh, and I am really thankful for a newer “comfortable friend” - didn’t really see it coming but its been good after so many of my good friends have moved away this year.

Chicken Boy

Ok – how's this to start my Monday morning! (I am still laughing.)

Over the weekend an eharmony boy initiated and wanted to skip all the normal steps and go straight to email – I normally don't do that but Liz had a good point in that I know the routine well enough to ask questions and would be fine just emailing if I want. So this morning I hit the little button that said "ok" and I could read this guys first email to me….

Some background on this "catch" first though…

He's from Marshall tx – no clue where that is but they have farm animals there!
He lists his occupation as "sell poultry"
So, a guy who sells poultry.. humm… just what I am looking for! :0)

Here's his email… word for word. Don't want you missing any of his suaveness! :0)
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hello sexy

may name is justin and i love to fish and hunt and i love to ride my 4wheller to and i would love to get to know you batter sweetie love justin

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Oh where DO I start!!??!!
His subject line is a little suspicious. "sexy" is a little too forward of a word for a first greeting. And the pictures I posted are far from "sexy" – cute maybe – sexy – nope! (I don't think he even read my profile)

Well, not sure he finished 5th grade. His spelling needs a lot of improvement. And "batter" instead of "better" – my first thought was, "humm… wonder if that's a Freudian slip." Yikes! Think I'll stay away from him.

Hunting? Fishing? 4 Wheeling? When DOES he have time for his chickens!!??!! :0)

Oh, where DO they find these lovely men for me!!???

Adventures

So, I made it to Virginia and back. I am not a huge fan of flying, not b/c I don't trust planes, I just don't like the crowds and waiting, waiting, waiting. I must say, I think traveling alone is one of the loneliest thing in the world. But I did make it and my lugguage did finally find me.

Today I had the day off to mourn Ford's death. uh.. we didn't get off for Reagan's death. Anyway. I did enjoy my day off and went to IKEA. Yikes, its huge! Actually only got what I went for. Some food storage containers and a few picture frames. Oh, and I drove on the tollway. Too bad they are going to start charging Saturday. I'll have to find another way to IKEA.

Shaun said I should mention in my blog that I was at the boys house past midnight last night, which I guess might have broke some house rule. Who knows.

Well, back to editing photos. A couple clients are patiently waiting for them.